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To whom it may concern, but especially Meleah.

Apostolic duty compels me to inform you that we take
a strict "leave no mess, keep your limbs" approach to
the sanctity of our favourite desert scavengers. Rest
assured, I understand the quandary. Once a screm hits
you with its beady little eyes, you think: surely one
scrap of inorganic matter couldn't possibly hurt.

It does.

Our screm are opportunistic feeders, playing a vital
role in the balance of the Mhojave's ecosystem, helping
maintain its delicate equilibrium by consuming what
some might call "excess biomass".

While it is technically true that screm are capable of
digesting a wide variety of materia, inclusive of armor,
stone, textile, and well, anything else that gets between
them and their assuredly living meal, it is flesh that
specifically provides them with the most nutritional
value per pound, and the minerals and vitamins they
acquire from the remainder of their diet represents
a negligible portion of what they require to truly
flourish.

They also keep our desert quite tidy.

One of our particularly well-known packs, the Blessed
Feast, is a fantastic example of screm at work in their
natural environment, and between them, the respectfully
named Strife, Tyranny, Ambition, Despair, and Memory
contribute to the highest numbers of traveler-death on
the open dunes we've seen season over season, leaving
nothing behind but the purity of the unspoiled earth.

But I digress. What I'm really saying is that the massive
heaps of cloth and sigils you're littering my desert with
are just filler. And if you keep feeding them to my screm,
they're going to get fat. And if they get fat, they're not
going to want to chase slaves or fit in their little
sandcastle, and I'll be dealing with severe screm
depression for at least a season.

They're also getting tangled up in the straps. We've had
to cut three of them out in the last week. It's a whole
production.

If you are intent on continuing to feed them, please wear
soft, easily chewable garments and shoes suitable for
night-running. Meal-time enrichment is an important
facet of happy, healthy screm.

For those of you who are interested in screm conservation,
a limited number of permits to sponsor your very own screm
are available. Please remit 50,000 gold via letter to
Shilkar, the Demon Warden to purchase. Not only will this
provide you with the unique opportunity to name a screm
yourself, but I, personally, will feed each screm purchased
an entire slave as a treat.

Sincerely,

Paxe Visara
Thronekeeper of Bones

Penned by my hand on Gosday, the 25th of Omeian, in the year 7 AC.