Sapience,

Drunk Bug Trikal Cardinalis is now departing his hard-earned wisdom to people far and wide - for a fee, of course. For only 500 gold, the Drunk Bug will give you insightful advice that will inspire the mind, soothe the soul, guide the spirit, and even give perspective regarding the common quandries of life. Behold an example of his wisdom:

"Dear Drunk Bug,
I'm thinking about getting a pet chicken. Any tips on general care?
-Potential Pet Owner"

"Dear Potenial Pet Owner,
Absolutely, chickens can be cared for in only one way, murder. They are dangerous creatures who will team together to destroy your home. There are various ways to cook the chicken after murdering them. If post mortem the chicken is still moving, just continue chopping it up, this has happened in past occasions. Murder the chicken and make yourself dinner. Don't forget to wash it down with a good grog."

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"Dear Drunk Bug,
My parents constantly drink and kill things and beat me. I just want to get away from all of the murder and drunkenness. What should I do?
-Troubled Adventurer"

"Dear Troubled Adventurer,
Embrace life you silly Enorianite, have a drink and murder your parents. Nothing like parricide to get your feet wet. The world isn't waiting for you to grow up, but if you don't it'll eat you alive."

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How it works
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-Write your question in a letter, sign with a fitting alias.
-Mail your letter to Eydis Ilstrem-Cardinalis.
-A letter with the Drunk Bug's response will be mailed to you directly.*
-After a season is up, all of the responses will be posted publicly.**
-After two seasons have expired, books of the questions and responses will be sold in the Drunk Bug's Oasis in Spinesreach.

*Your name is confidential and is only used for the purpose of sending a return letter.
**You can request for your response not to be shown publicly. Just send a message to me and I'll remove you from the list.

Submit your question now and you have the Drunk Bug's special guarantee: one hundred percent satfisfaction or your head on a pike!

-EIC



Penned by my hand on Closday, the 23rd of Slyphian, in the year 463 MA.