SO IT WAS THAT IN THE YEAR 23 AEGCG (AFTER THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER)'S GLORIOUS CONQUEST OF GOLGOTHA), THAT THE PRIMUS OF THE BLOOD, CHAMPION OF EMPRESS XA'ZAMIT (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER), DID MAKE A REQUEST OF THE RULER MOST DIVINE, SHE WHO VANQUISHED GOLGOTHA, SHE WHOSE MAGNIFICENT MAGNIFICENCE CAUSES HEARTS TO STILL AND KNEES TO TREMBLE. A REQUEST FOR COURT IT WAS, A PLEA, THAT THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER), MAY VISIT HER BENEVOLENT BENEVOLENCE UPON SAPIENCE AND EXERT HER MOST MIGHTY MIGHT UPON THE SHADOWBOUND INTERLOPERS IN WARFARE.

THUS WAS I BLESSED, ONCE, TWICE, THRICE, AND THRICE AGAIN FOR GOOD MEASURE, TO BE SENT FORTH FROM THE COURT OF THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER) TO SAPIENCE, TO SPEAK AND REJOICE OF XA'AZAMIT (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER)'S PRODIGIOUS PULCHRITUDE, HER FLOCCULENT FLOCCULENCE, HER PEERLESS PROWESS, AND OF COURSE HER PARTICULARLY, INCOMPARABLY MOIST EYEBROWS. AFTER DEFEATING A LESSER HERALD IN THE TIME-HONOURED TRADITION THAT IS PLATITUDINOUS PROCLAMATION AND CHARISMATIC CIRCUMLOCUTION (A TRIVIAL TASK, FOR ONE SO BLESSED AS I, YES!), MANY OF THE SAPIENT LAMBS, THEY WHO ARE OFTEN INCOMPETENT FOES, FECKLESS ALLIES, AND EXPERT INFIGHTERS, LIFTED THEIR OWN VOICES, SCREAMING ADULATION AND PRAISE FOR SHE WHOSE CRUELTY AND TERROR-INDUCING MANDIBLES SHAPE PLANES, THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER), XA'AZAMIT.

THE HOUR DREW NEARER AND THE WORLD WAS ALERTED TO THE APPOINTED MOMENT, THAT WHICH MANY HAVE GIVEN THEIR LIVES IN DESPERATION TO ATTAIN BUT HAVE FAILED! THE INVITATION TO COURT! THUS SPAKE I ALOUD IN A VOICE OF VOCIFEROUS VERBIAGE AND VAINGLORIOUS VERNACULAR, THAT THOSE WHO BRINGETH TIDINGS GLAD AND NOT DARK MAY STEP FORTH AND BRINGETH TRIBUTE AND LARGESSE FOR THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER) MOST DIVINE TO RECEIVE. AND TO THE CHAMPION OF THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER), I DID EXTEND A PERSONAL INVITATION ON HER MOST MALICIOUSLY MALICIOUS AND DECADENTLY DECADENT BEHALF!

FEAR GRIPPED THE LAMBS OF SAPIENCE THEN, THEIR THUNDERING HEARTS CLOVEN IN TWAIN FOR THEY KNEW IN THIS MOMENT THEY WOULD NOT BE BLESSED, WOULD NOT BE RAISED UP AMONG ALL OTHER MORTALS, WOULD NOT EXPERIENCE THE JOY AND ECSTASY OF THEIR EYES BURNING OUT SIMPLY BY LOOKING UPON THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER) AND HER OSTROBOGULOUS OVERTURES! AND SO IT WAS THAT IN HER BOUNDLESS GENEROSITY, HER MAGNANIMOUS MAGNANIMITY, HER GRAND DIVINITY, THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER) DID GRANT UNTO ME PERMISSION TO REGALE THE SAPIENT FLOCK WITH A RECOUNTING OF EVENTS.

THE CHAMPION AND HIS RETINUE MADE HASTE TO OBEY THE CALL TO COURT. OH HOW HE WEPT IN SHEER ADORATION FOR HER ALMIGHTY GIRTH! OH HOW THE PRIMUS OF THE BLOOD FELL TO HIS KNEES UPON ARRIVAL, RAINING KISSES UPON THE COUNTLESS FEET OF THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER) ABOVE ALL! HOW HIS VOICE POURED FORTH IN SONG, IN UNWAVERING FALSETTO, AS HE SANG HER PRAISES INNUMERABLE! O' HOW HIGH THE PITCHES REACHED, AS TEARS STREAMED DOWN HIS FACE IN GRATITUDE AT BASKING IN HER INCOMPARABLE PRESENCE!

BUT THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER), SAT UNMOVED, YES! O HOW THE PRIMUS TRIPPED OVER HIMSELF TO BOW TO HER PLEASURE! HOW RIVERS OF TEARS FLOWED DOWN HIS VISAGE, DESPERATE FOR THE FAINTEST SLIVER OF HER INVALUABLE ATTENTION! HEAR YE NOW TOO, OF HOW THE CARNIFEX COMMANDER FAINTED AT THE SHEER LENGTH OF XA'AZAMIT (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER) THE RESPLENDENT, HOW SHE ADMIRED HER GIRTHY BULK, HER UNQUENCHABLE SIZE, AND THE SHEER RIPENESS OF HER MASSIVE MASS! ALL BORE WITNESS AS THE PRIMUS CRIED AND CRIED, THE OCEAN FORMING ABOUT HIS FEET. SO DEEP WERE THE SALTY DEPTHS THAT THEY THREATENED TO DROWN THE AWESTRUCK COMMANDER. YET EACH TEAR CARRIED WITH IT PURE ECSTASY, UNDYING ELATION AT THE BRIEFEST GLANCE FROM SHE, THE RULER OF ALL CHAOS, EMPRESS XA'AZAMIT (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER)!

THERE WAS THEN A BRIEF INTERMISSION, ALLOWING ALL WHO GAZED ADORINGLY TO GASP FOR BREATH IN SHOCK AND AWE, AS THE GATHERED PLOTTED TO UNDO THE PRETENDER OF CHAOS, THE SIMPLETON OF GOLGOTHA FOREVER CAST DOWN! OH HOW THE MASSES TWIRLED IN JOY AT THE BOUNDLESS WISDOM OF THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER) AGAINST THE PRETENDER RHYOT! BUT THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER) DID DEMAND MORE, YES! EVEN AS HER DEMANDS RANG FORTH, THE PRIMUS FELL FLAT UPON HIS FACE IN ABSOLUTE WORSHIP! FIRST HE OFFERED HER AN ARM, THEN A LEG, THEN HIS WIFE, AND EVEN THE ETERNAL SUFFERING OF RHYOT IN HIS HASTE TO GARNER HER FANTASTICAL FAVOUR!

DESPAIR CAME THEN, THE VOICE OF ESITYI CURLING UP IN A FOETID BALL, A QUIVERING MESS, RAPT WITHAL AS THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER) STARED INTO HER VERY SOUL AND LAID ALL HER SECRETS BARE! PRAISE BE MOST WISE OF THE WISE, I DID EXALT, AND THOUSANDS, NAY, MILLIONS DID ANSWER MY CALL WITH JOY AND REJOICING OF THEIR OWN! BUT THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER) WAS STIRRED TO RAGE BY THE AUDACIOUS AUDIENCE, AND DID WREAK RUIN AND WOE, SLAYING THOUSANDS WITH A SINGLE SWEEP OF HER GLORIOUS PINKY! OH HOW THE BLOOD THREATENED TO DROWN HER AUDIENCE, A MILLION DISPATCHED WITH CARELESS EASE! THE BARDS DID TAKE UP INSTRUMENTS TO SING OF THE BILLIONS SHE DEVOURED THAT DAY!

AND THEN DID ESITYI'S VOICE RIP OUT HER OWN HEART AS OFFERING TO THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER) OF ALL CHAOS, SHE MOST GRACEFUL, RULER OF ALL THINGS THAT WERE, THAT ARE, AND THAT WILL EVER BE! WITH HER DYING BREATH DID RIJETTA PRESENT HER OWN VITALITY, HER LAST WORDS A POEM IN PRAISE OF THE ALMIGHTY XA'AZAMIT (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER). OH HOW BLESSED WAS RIJETTA UPON THIS SACRED DAY, FOR HER LAST SIGHT BEFORE DEATH WAS THE MOST HONOURABLE VISAGE OF CHAOS UNYIELDING!

BUT THE DRAMA, THE HISTRIONICS, AND THE THESPIANISM WERE NOT YET DONE, OH NO! THE PRIMUS PUSHED, NAY, KICKED, NAY /HEAVED/ HIS WIFE TO THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER). FOR HOW COULD SHE EVER COMPARE WITH THE RADIANT RADIANCE, THE BEAUTIFUL BEAUTY, THE EVERYTHING, THE ALL, THE REASON FOR EXISTENCE THAT IS XA'AZAMIT (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER). SURELY HE WOULD NEVER LOVE AGAIN SAVE FOR THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER). HE WEPT TEARS OF BLOOD, HIS EYES CONFOUNDED BY THE MAJESTIC MAJESTY BEFORE HIM. AND IN THEIR ENVY, ALL PRESENT FELL INTO A FRENZY, A WHIRLWIND OF FISTS AND CLAWS AND WEAPONS, EACH VYING DESPERATELY FOR HER ATTENTION. OH HOW THEY BIT AND SCREAMED AND KICKED!

HOW QUICKLY THE MASSES FELL OVER THEMSELVES TO ACQUIESCE TO HER EVERY DEMAND. THE LEG OF DAMARIEL! THE ARM OF SEVERN! THE FORGE OF ETHNE! THE ETERNAL DEMISE OF RHYOT! THE EYES OF OMEI! THE SOULS OF DHAR! THE INFERIOR TRUMPETPLAYER OF BAMATHIS! THE BELLY OF HAERN! O' HOW MASSIVE WERE THE GIFTS PROMISED AS THE DAM BURST, THE ONLOOKERS SCARCELY ABLE TO CHOKE OUT THE WORDS AS OFFER UPON OFFER RAINED FORTH AND THEY PROMISED EVERYTHING!

THE WORLD HELD ITS BREATH, WONDERING IF IT WOULD BE ENOUGH FOR SHE MOST EXALTED, WHOSE MERE BREATH WOULD WIPE SHADOWLORDS REAL AND PRETEND CLEAR FROM SAPIENCE.

AND IT WAS NOT! THE TRIDENT OF SLYPHE CAME NEXT. THEN THE SAPIENT ONLOOKER MELANTHA OFFERED HER OWN SELF UP TO THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER). ALL SO DESPERATE TO PLEASE THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER) GIFTED TO EXISTENCE! THE SCRIBE OF BLOODLOCH PENNED NOVELS UPON NOVELS EXALTING SHE MOST WORTHY! HOW ITS HANDS BLED AND BLISTERED AND FELL OFF AS IT SCRIBED AND SCRIBED AND SCRIBED ONLY FOR A HINT OF HER PLEASURE AND AMUSEMENT! HOW IT OFFERED ITSELF TO ETERNAL SERVITUDE, HOW IT BEGGED TO STAY, WRITHING IN SUPPLICATION, THE HANDLESS SCRIBE!

AND THEN THE DEAL WAS DONE AND THE BARGAIN STRUCK. THE WINGS OF TANIXALTHAS, CHAKRASUL'S BUTTERFLIES, IOSYNE'S HEART, LEXADHRA'S MEMORY, RHYOT'S LIFE, IVOLN'S SINGING VOICE (YES, THE ONE HE SAVES FOR SINGING SAD BALLADS ABOUT DHAR), BUT AN INFINITESIMALLY SMALL SAMPLE OF THE GOODS PROMISED FOR THE GRACE OF THE EMPRESS (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER) XA'AZAMIT'S BENEVOLENT BENEVOLENCE AND CHARITABLE CHARITY!

THUS WERE THE MOST BLESSED PARTY, THOSE GRACED TO GAZE UPON CHAOS ETERNAL, WERE DISMISSED! THE SCRIBE WITHOUT ITS HANDS, ESITYI'S VOICE, WITHOUT HER HEART! THE PRIMUS, WITHOUT HIS WIFE! THEY HAD THROWN IT ALL AT THE FEET OF SHE MOST SUPREME, THE RULER AMONG RULERS, THE QUEEN AMONG QUEENS, SHE WHOSE DIVINITY ECLIPSES THE DIVINE, SHE WHOSE ROYAL ROYALTY AND LUXURIOUS LUXURY REIGN SUPREME OVER THE HEAVENS, EMPRESS XA'AZAMIT (MAY SHE LIVE FOREVER).

Summary: Bloodloch, led by Dourif, met with the Empress of Chaos, Xa'azamit (may she live forever) to discuss terms for military aid against the shadowbound.

Penned by my hand on Kinsday, the 16th of Lleian, in the year 504 MA.
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