To all and sundry,

It is time to set aside the myriad of fake holidays which have presented themselves. Celesmas? Varian Celestine is gone, and He is not coming back. Eschatonica? You are not on the moon, why would the Eschaton care? Yipmas? Created by the lowest of the oube's. Maevemas? A government-enforced worship of Maevetoe instead of mistletoe? To all of these, we say NOT.

Prepare yourself instead for Arvelmas, a holiday dedicated to the celebration and veneration of Arvelis, the One True King.

Spreading not only across Sapience but also Upon Albedos, Arvelmas is a time not only of gift-giving, but also and most importantly, of gift-taking.

It is a poor King indeed who has a court lacking in variation, and the means by which Arvelmas is celebrated are as wide and varied as the myriad souls who serve Him. However, to offer some guidance to the masses, please find below some mainstay tenets of Arvelmas that you may observe from day to day during this season of inescapable generosity.

- Snow jackals: formed from never-melting snow, these are a common sight during Arvelmas.

- Candycane daggers: Arvelmas is a time to never be unarmed, and these blades are safe even for the most coddled children. Probably.

- Gift_taking_ Does someone have a gift you wanted? Stab them and take it! This can be performed with a candycane dagger or, in fact, a real dagger, to cover the full span of possible celebrants. Never settle for less during Arvelmas.

- Ascending: Want to give someone a gift? It is traditional that Arvelmas gifts be placed at the highest point possible, often held in place by being pierced with a dirk or dagger. This could be a hill, a mountain, a tall building, or whatever heights you have available. The point is, it should never be easy to claim a gift on Arvelmas, it requires dedication and tenacity to reach the heights and claim your gift.

These are but a few ways in which you may find Arvelmas celebrated near you. Let us give praise and thanks to the One True King for blessing us not only during this holiday season, but always and forever.

Blessed are we to walk in His Shadow,

Whirran Mulariad Arcan-Tetzauh

Hammer of the King

Penned by my hand on Closday, the 17th of Ios, in the year 8 AC.